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It Matters

Hi, 

I'm sort of brand new here, insofar as I've just had to create a live journal account after working out that that's the only way to respond to things.  I've been reading for ages though.    It's this community that's inspired me to finally attempt my own MelloxMatt fanfiction.   Thank you. :D

Title: It Matters
Author: Matilda/DeathNoteFangirl/Mrs Jeevas... it's me, ok?
Rating: Adult - 18
Pairing: Matt/Mello
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or either of these characters. 
Warning: Spoilers to Episode 30 (Anime) Vol 9 (Manga);  bad language; extreme violence; very over 18, explicit activities between Mello and Matt
Summary:  It's a love story, between Matt and Mello. Sometimes violent, sometimes volatile, potentially mutually destructive; but maybe with saving graces too. 
(NB  It's the first fan fiction I've ever written, so it's also learning how to do that.  Please bear that in mind if you read it.)

http://anime.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600044346

:D



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Comments

( 27 Said Bang, Baby — Hit Me )
the_and_moose
Jun. 9th, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
This was easily one of the best M/M fics I've ever read. Their personalities were captured so perfectly and the story was engaging. I loved your writing style and I hope to see much more from you! :D
mrsjeevas
Jun. 9th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
*blush*
Thank you very much. Feeling very pleased with myself over here.

I've just finished proof-reading it, so it should be properly completed now. I know I should have proof-read it before posting, but it never occurred to me that so many people would go and read it.

I've been on fairly safe ground so far, because I've been writing about bits that the Manga/Anime doesn't cover. I'm not sure how the plagarism rules work, so I stopped there. It doesn't mean that I haven't got the ideas for the rest of the story though.

Oh s... bother it. I'll write it. I'll just ignore the bits that are actually in the official story.

Thank you again for taking the time to read it and also for commenting. I actually did blush.

(Deleted comment)
mrsjeevas
Jun. 9th, 2008 11:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much.
I'm all kinds of grinny now. Thank you. I'm glad you like it.
(Deleted comment)
mrsjeevas
Jun. 10th, 2008 07:12 am (UTC)
Re: Thank you very much.
Yay back! :D I especially liked writing that whole scene. The social alchemy was just too delicious to explore.

Are you allowed to have a favourite bit in your own story? :aware: If so, mine is in the penultimate chapter. It's just Mello saying something and Matt's response that had me giggling my head off. I can't really say more without spoiling the ending,.. *shuts up*

Thanks for persevering with it. :D
shini_skittles
Jun. 9th, 2008 11:24 pm (UTC)
Ahhh, so awesome I couldn't stop reading. I read it in the morning and got to chapter 12 before I had to leave. Finished the rest when I got back, and it's amazing. The epilogue made me tear up a bit, it was a very good way to end it. Wonderful story, I'll defiantly put your author page in my bookmarks now.
mrsjeevas
Jun. 9th, 2008 11:47 pm (UTC)
Wow!
Thank you! My head will never fit through the doorway at this rate, it's swelling so much with pride. :D

I'm enjoying myself too much writing them, so I've already posted up the first chapter of the sequel. I've got people on a gaming forum screaming at me to please come back from whatever I'm doing and finish coding the guide we've all been writing. I really should do that before I do this, but...

Anyway, thanks a lot. I'm off to bed now with a huge grin on my face.
catmoongirl
Jun. 10th, 2008 01:25 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for writing this piece of genius! This is, hands down, the best MxM fanfiction if not the best fanfiction I've ever read. The language was vivid and creative, the characters were accurate and rich, and the story was interesting and emotional! I now aspire to write at least half as well as you, not only in fanfiction, but in my novels and short stories as well. I positively loved this and it is now my favorite Death Note fanfiction. For your first fanfic, you write so skillfully, it comes out as second nature. I would never have guessed that you were a first timer. Congrats! That is certainly a wonderful achievement. I do hope you will keep writing fanfiction. I will definitely look forward to any of your future work.
mrsjeevas
Jun. 10th, 2008 07:16 am (UTC)
*blink*
:o

:o

:o

Thank you. :D

I am definitely writing more. In fact, I've already started the sequel. Unfortunately I don't think I'll have chance to add to it tonight as I've got 10 IMs elsewhere, from different people, ranging from telling to begging me to code this webpage. If I do it, they'll go away and I can get back to writing more fanfiction. Yay!

I'd love to read some of your work too.
miyamashi
Jun. 10th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
That was absolutely stunning. Amazing, really. You portray them very differently from how I do, but that's not a bad thing. It's one of the things I love about fanfiction: You can have two people with totally different views, and neither of them are less believable. It's all a matter of writing, and writing well. The whole concept of the story was great, and the characterizations very flushed out. I do agree that you got Matt better than Mello, though. The only little critique I had was that he seemed a little too over-the-top at times, even for Mello...there was just something that didn't seem consistent, though I can't quite place it.

I would say more, but I can't think of proper wording at the moment. I'll hopefully be able to be more constructive later, though I've been rather out-there lately, in general. Mind in too many places at once, and all that.

Random note: It highly amused me that you used "Michael" in the second chapter the way you did. I'd had the exact same thoughts about the song...Hmmm, if you take out the "c".......all of my friends thought I was a dork. XD But, c'mon, he's a sexy bitch, and the "leather hips" bit...so very Mello. XDD
mrsjeevas
Jun. 10th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC)
Nice one!
Ok, so I got side-tracked from my coding to sneak in just one more chapter, on the basis that I could go back and finish the html later. It's not like it's fiddly, I just have to type the blessed thing.

Then I come here and want to learn about your Mello. I follow the links back and get absorbed in this absolutely amazing depiction of his life, only to find that you got writer's block! Noooo! Dude! More! Look around you, take in the sights and sounds of everyday experience and let your imagination wander. What would Mello do? Let yourself get back into the mindset, think and breathe like him. Then put the gun down and start typing! :D

*re-reads what you typed here, as there's been an interlude* Thank you for your kind words. I'm amazed at the reaction myself. I keep going back and looking at the hits in wonder. Two people have RATED it! :o Then I'm back in here melting on the spot from the feedback.

My feedback to your feedback (which is gratefully received, thank you) is this: I didn't have a concept. I just put my music on and typed whatever came to mind. It's only the last two proper chapters (exc. the epilogue) when I figured that I really should put them back on track with the Manga. One of the things that's concerning me about writing the sequel is that the framework is already there, as we know what happens next. I'm half-considering an alternative universe, where Matt convinces Mello that going after Kira is daft and to just let Near get on with it. They could go to Disney Land or something instead. I don't know if I'll get bored and end up wandering off again (*sidewards glance at the other forum, where they all think I'm coding right now*). Mmm. We'll see. But I'm very glad that it looked like I had a concept. :D

As for my Mello, I agree with you completely. The closest that I think I got was in the latter paragraphs of chapter 10. Before that he's too manic and beyond that he's too depressive. The lack of consistency is certainly due to me testing out different Mellos as I conceived of them, to find one that worked. I'm currently watching every Saggitarian that I know, eversince I found out that that's Mello's sun sign, just to see how they tick. I've already had one of them catch me at it and have a hissy fit. I definitely took notes then!

But yes, I would be really appreciative if you could point to anywhere there where you thought I got him right (if, of course, I ever did), because I can't get my head around him at all. I could write Matt all day. Matt's where it all gets cathartic. :)

miyamashi
Jun. 11th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
Oh, trust me when I say I've been in the Mello mindset for a good long time, now. I've been almost breathing as the man for MONTHS now...almost to the point of unhealthy obsession. It's this that's making it so my writer's block on TR is a constant struggle and annoyance to me, because the little Mello that seems to have taken permanent residence in my head is just like, "GET THE THING WRITTEN, BITCH! NOW!"

The issue I'm having is working in the manga plot, because I chose a story that definitely requires it. I don't know if you'll be the same way as I am, but I have the hardest time writing when I'm working in the original plot. It was the exact same way with my FF7 fic. I can write all day, as long as I'm working with my own timeline. I have a lot done on Part 9, and have no intention of quitting, but it's giving me all sorts of trouble. I'm currently to the point where he contacts Hal, and I'm stuck YET AGAIN.

Now, instead of ranting about myself, back to talking about you. :D

Trust me when I say that, just because you didn't write with any clear intention or purpose or concept, doesn't mean that you don't have one. Stories, I've found, definitely have minds of their own, and when they get themselves into your head, the story that's trying to be told through your mind and to your fingers on the keyboard tends to show itself in the most strange and amazing of ways. I tend to have some kind of very, very base purpose purpose and that's all...most often, just an ending, and then I let the rest write itself. (That's ranting about me again, but...yeah. >__<) I can definitely see that you FOUND some sort of common thread and some sort of deeper meaning by the end of it all, even if you didn't start with one, and even if you don't realize it. It may sound like I big-headed thing to do, but try analyzing your own writing for metaphors and recurring themes...you'll often find ones you didn't even know you put in. It's almost scary sometimes, but really neat.

Gah, I'd love to see you do an alternate universe. As much as it's nice to stick with the original plotline sometimes, it's also a huge pain, as stated before. Plus, their untimely ends were just that: Untimely and sudden and a load of complete crap, so it would be nice to see something a little happier...something tried often in fics, but NOT often pulled off with much success. I think you could do it and have it not seem ridiculous.

Yeah, I can definitely see where you did some experimentation. (And to rant about myself again, because I do it too often:) Mello's always had a very clear characterization in my mind, and one that I'm surprised a lot of people haven't gotten up in arms about, because it's very different than how you usually see him in canon...much...calmer. I think it may be partly attributed to having LIVED WITH a Saggitarian all my life, as my older sister is one, and partly to the fact that I immediately related personally with the character. If I can give one bit of advice about what makes Mello tick, it's simply that he's not as crazy and over-the-top as everyone makes him out to be. He is crazy, yes, but note that it's a very calculated kind of crazy, as irrational as it may seem on first glance. EVERYTHING he does has a purpose of some sort, and as little as the purpose may seem at first, it's always very deeply ingrained in his mind. Honestly, one of the times I think you nailed him best was when he and Matt were joking about Catholic Angst. He showed that kind of binary, split mentality where he was fighting with his morals and his goals, but at the same time seemed very down to earth. (Does that make ANY sense?) If anything, Mello KNOWS he's crazy to do what he does, and he KNOWS he cold, and it's when he forgets that in stories that he seems a little OOC.

(Holy crud, my rant's TOO LONG FOR ONE COMMENT! O.O)
miyamashi
Jun. 11th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
(Continued from above...Gah, I'm wordy.)

It's the little details that make Mello so hard to write...like the fact that, if you look closely in the anime, he prays before he blows up the mafia base, and, later, there's no other way for his rosary to have ended up over the steering wheel if he hadn't picked it up before he died. In the manga, I also noted that he was extremely polite to Takada, for a man who was kidnapping her, and especially for someone who's usually portrayed as almost heartless (You definitely didn't do this, though, which was good). He tells her to "Please stay quiet for a minute" (not an exact quote, but the "please" was there), and he smiles at her, and it tipped me off that he was different than he seemed at first glance. He is a hard character, though, I admit, because he's actually one of the more blatantly HUMAN characters in anime, I think, and that makes him especially tough. Hell, even though I relate to him so well, in one-shots, I find myself automatically writing from Matt's POV, because Matt is very EASY to relate to, partly because he was given so little to work with in canon, and partly because he seems to be driven by very simple things, which are simplified even farther by the fact that he's so good at making things seem inconsequential, which is a DEFINITE Aquarian trait.

I give you major kudos, though, for picking these two for your first fic, and for pulling it off so beautifully, despite the issues you had with Mello. They're really challenging to pull off well in general, and your fic was definitely one of the better I've read. :D

Wow, that was a long rant, but I hope it helped, and I hope I made some semblance of sense.

But, yes, I'd be glad to go through your fic and look for spots where I thought you caught Mello dead-on, and there were definitely a few. :D It'll also give me a chance to let your story really sink in. Give me a few days, though. I'm a little busy for a re-read at the moment, but I promise I'll get to it. *many digital huggles*
mrsjeevas
Jun. 11th, 2008 10:36 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
*SPOILER ALERT! Do not read on if you haven’t finished Death Note, because there are huge spoilers in this comment*

Morgie:

**The issue I'm having is working in the manga plot, because I chose a story that definitely requires it. I don't know if you'll be the same way as I am, but I have the hardest time writing when I'm working in the original plot. It was the exact same way with my FF7 fic. I can write all day, as long as I'm working with my own timeline. I have a lot done on Part 9, and have no intention of quitting, but it's giving me all sorts of trouble. I'm currently to the point where he contacts Hal, and I'm stuck YET AGAIN.**

Ah! Yes, we are in the same position, at more or less the same point in the story, though we have different pretexts to write it from. I’ve got to somehow square the whole Hal sequence with the fact that Mello’s actually in New York with Matt, while, if I’m writing yours right, you have something much more complex to unravel.

**Now, instead of ranting about myself, back to talking about you. :D**

I’m good talking about yours. It’s a great story. :D

**Trust me when I say that, just because you didn't write with any clear intention or purpose or concept, doesn't mean that you don't have one. … I can definitely see that you FOUND some sort of common thread and some sort of deeper meaning by the end of it all, even if you didn't start with one, and even if you don't realize it. It may sound like I big-headed thing to do, but try analyzing your own writing for metaphors and recurring themes...you'll often find ones you didn't even know you put in. It's almost scary sometimes, but really neat.**

That doesn’t sound too big-headed, it sounds more like a writer learning their craft. You do your work, you review and evaluate it, you use your conclusions to write even better stuff next time. Is that right?

Concept… concept… oh! There was the bit where I was musing on two facts, Matt didn’t apply himself and Matt was third at Wammy’s.

**Gah, I'd love to see you do an alternate universe. As much as it's nice to stick with the original plotline sometimes, it's also a huge pain, as stated before. Plus, their untimely ends were just that: Untimely and sudden and a load of complete crap, so it would be nice to see something a little happier...something tried often in fics, but NOT often pulled off with much success. I think you could do it and have it not seem ridiculous.**

*peers at the gauntlet on the floor* Mello and Matt, happy ending. ‘kay. *picks up gauntlet and shoves it in pocket* After this story.

*over-runs word count and carries on below*
mrsjeevas
Jun. 11th, 2008 10:37 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
**… If I can give one bit of advice about what makes Mello tick, it's simply that he's not as crazy and over-the-top as everyone makes him out to be. He is crazy, yes, but note that it's a very calculated kind of crazy, as irrational as it may seem on first glance. EVERYTHING he does has a purpose of some sort, and as little as the purpose may seem at first, it's always very deeply ingrained in his mind. Honestly, one of the times I think you nailed him best was when he and Matt were joking about Catholic Angst. He showed that kind of binary, split mentality where he was fighting with his morals and his goals, but at the same time seemed very down to earth. (Does that make ANY sense?) If anything, Mello KNOWS he's crazy to do what he does, and he KNOWS he cold, and it's when he forgets that in stories that he seems a little OOC… if you look closely in the anime, he prays before he blows up the mafia base, and, later, there's no other way for his rosary to have ended up over the steering wheel if he hadn't picked it up before he died. In the manga, I also noted that he was extremely polite to Takada…**

This is REALLY useful, thank you! There was a point, halfway through the ‘Reversals’ chapter, where I had to consider what Mello would do in a situation where guns won’t work. I returned to the original Manga and stared flicking through. That’s when I noticed that, before he blows up the hideout, he apologises to Deputy Director Yagami and states firmly that killing him had not been his intention. It just seemed so… un-Mello, compared to the notions of him in my head. I read on, back and forth across every appearance and saw, as you had, that the manners were there. He does say please, thank you and sorry, then has really brusque mannerisms, which bely the politeness.

Finally, I thought I’d read about the times when he kills people in the Manga. There’s one huge problem here though, Mello never actually directly kills a single person. He comes close with the deputy director, but at the 11th hour, Jose rises from the floor with a gun; Mello explodes a building, with the implied loss of life for the police officers downstairs, but it’s not face to face and there’s an inherent chance that they could survive; he orders other people to write in the Death Note; he orchestrates downright massacres, but it’s never said that he got his hands personally bloody. Mello seems to do a lot of pointing of guns, with no apparent instant when he actually pulls a trigger.

However, I hadn’t considered the full implications of his Catholicism. I had spotted all the crosses and rosaries, even to the point of thinking that this looked more like a religious crusade than simply beating Near and avenging L, but I hadn’t thought it through.

All of this though just rotated as a jumble in my head, until you’ve helped me slot some pieces in. I’ll keep playing with it and see if I can get close to how well you portray him.

*still over-runs word count and carries on below*
mrsjeevas
Jun. 11th, 2008 10:38 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
** I find myself automatically writing from Matt's POV, because Matt is very EASY to relate to, partly because he was given so little to work with in canon, and partly because he seems to be driven by very simple things, which are simplified even farther by the fact that he's so good at making things seem inconsequential, which is a DEFINITE Aquarian trait.**

Ok, in return, let me share a Matt observation that drives me up the wall from some people’s fan fiction (not yours, as you haven’t reached this point yet). There is a fact, unsettling for many people, that Matt smokes. I’ve lost count now of the number of stories I’ve read where a) Matt doesn’t have a cigarette for long hours/days and is only slightly anxious to have one; or b) Mello knocks a cigarette out of Matt’s mouth with a tirade against how bad it is for him. We are writing in a world where smoking is increasingly seen as more evil than Kira, but we are writing about a world where the attitude is much more tolerant. While it might help the author feel beautifully self-righteous to have such things happen, it’s not consistent with either the Manga or the nicotine habit.

1, Long journeys without a cigarette. For a smoker, there’s a kind of low-level panic about being in a situation where you can’t smoke. Therefore, Matt (who apparently chains them) could put one out, enter the plane and immediately start craving another one. It’s a mental and a physical reaction. Even if he was able to put it out of his mind, then there will be a point where, ordinarily, he would have reached for another cigarette. At this moment, his mouth will be dry and a point right at the back and top of the throat (the soft palette) will feel empty. There’s your physical. Then the mental kicks in. Anxiety first, becoming increasingly desperate. It starts with scheming to have a cigarette; if it’s still thwarted then eventually you start becoming really messed up. This can come out as one of three ways: you’d either be prepared to kill your own grandma if you got a cigarette; or you’d become extremely paranoid, as in the whole world hates you and wants you to die; or you’d become ridiculously anxious. Meanwhile your judgment is clouded, as everything focuses upon just getting that cigarette, yet strangely, you can still retain the knowledge that such and such is a no smoking area. ‘Matt went a whole day without a cigarette, yet calmly played his game and let Mello shout at him’ is not a realistic state of affairs.

2, Mello is an anti-smoking crusader with a propensity to knock cigarettes out of Matt’s mouth. People can portray Mello how they like, however, he’s more concerned with the conversation overheard via surveillance, than the cigarette in Matt’s mouth in the official story. It’s the scene where they are both in a room. In the first part, Matt plays a game on the settee, bent over with a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, while Mello sits three foot away with headphones on; in the second part, both the game and the cigarette are missing, as Matt looks across, listening to what Mello has to say. The official story doesn’t recount what happens in the interim, but I personally see no bruises or burn marks on Matt’s cheek. Secondly, I consider myself to be quite laid-back, Teflon covered in most eruptions and very difficult to anger, however, my cigarettes are sacrosanct. If someone knocked one out of my mouth, depending on how it took me, I’d probably either demonstrate that I too can have a temper; or I’d quietly leave and never come back.

Oops, I went on a bit of a rant, didn’t I?

*OMG how much did I type? Continues below*
mrsjeevas
Jun. 11th, 2008 10:39 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
**I give you major kudos, though, for picking these two for your first fic, and for pulling it off so beautifully, despite the issues you had with Mello. They're really challenging to pull off well in general, and your fic was definitely one of the better I've read. :D**

Thank you. :D

**Wow, that was a long rant, but I hope it helped, and I hope I made some semblance of sense.**

You did indeed! You’ve really got me thinking of ideas now. I’m starting to form a slightly clearer picture of Mello. :D

**But, yes, I'd be glad to go through your fic and look for spots where I thought you caught Mello dead-on, and there were definitely a few. :D It'll also give me a chance to let your story really sink in. Give me a few days, though. I'm a little busy for a re-read at the moment, but I promise I'll get to it. *many digital huggles***

Thank you! But don’t fret if you don’t have time. It would be very useful, but I was thinking as I asked that you might have it off the top of your head. I don’t want to… well, divert you from writing your story. :p *many digital huggles back*
miyamashi
Jun. 13th, 2008 03:26 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
Well, because my brain is being disorganized at the moment, I'm gonna just reply to whatever strikes my fancy first, and then get to the rest, haha. And I'll try not to clutter your page up any more with too much further rant-age. XD Yei for ranting conversations between authors, though. XDDD

Well, firstly, I obviously need to get into reading that sequel of yours, huh? All of that talk above...I honestly didn't realize there was already a running sequel until just a little while ago when people were talking about it in other comments. XD I was very confused as to what you were talking about, earlier, with "squeezing in a new chapter". Gah, I can be such a flake.

About Matt and his smoking...yeah, the way people tend to portray that gets on my nerves, too. I don't smoke, myself, but my entire family does, and my ex was a chain-smoker to the highest degree. Andother nitpick I have with the way people look at his smoking...what's with the overuse of the idea that "kissing Matt would taste like licking an ashtray"? Uhm, these people have obviously never kissed smokers before. Yes, there is a distinct undertaste to it, but it's almost more like getting a whiff of the smell of smoke...with your tongue. O.o Yeeah, but NOT totally disgusting. In fact, it's not really that noticeable. It...just annoys me that people tend to portray it like that.

The only issue I have with writing Matt's smoking is the same issue I have with any other tendency of a character...It's just a matter of making sure I remember to include traces of the habit in the writing. After reading your comments about his smoking, I went to think about one of my one-shots, and was trying to remember if Matt was smoking in it, and then I remembered that he talked about being out of cigs...and, fittingly, the entire first half of the fic had him running around a little bit like a lunatic, from boredom and withdrawl. XDDD I KNOW how cigarette withdrawl is. I've seen enough of it in my life to know the symptoms...it's not pretty, and it's something I'll be even more careful to portray right in future writing, and something that definitely gets on my nerves, as well, when it's misrepresented or overlooked.

As far as Mello's reaction to Matt's smoking...you don't have to worry about an issue with that from me. The two have met back up in TR in the new chapter (which I'm STILL working vigilantly to get done...it'll be LONG, if that's any consolation), and Matt is smoking. The very short conversation about it goes something like this:

"You really do look different." The redhead continued to dig in his pockets, getting a little flustered. "Could you, um, pass me the ashtray?"

Mello did, but hesitantly. "You sound nervous."

"I am." Matt finally pulled his cigarettes out of a pocket and lit one up, taking a long drag.

"When did you start smoking?"

"Right after I left Wammy's. The streets'll do that to you."

Mello grunted slightly.


And then, he changes the subject. The way I see it, Mello has his own addiction, and, as I said before, he's not as completely out there and irrational as people make him out to be, so he would at least accept Matt's addictions (both cigs and games) for what they are. And even though he may chide Matt about it on rare occasion because of the health issue, I doubt that he'd be too irked or surprised if Matt got him back for his chocolate.

I do have one fic where they're adults, and I don't think cigarettes are mentioned, but that fic only really takes place over a period of a few minutes, so he could just be in between smokes. XD I may go give it a re-read later, though, and see if that's an issue I overlooked, and, if it is, how I can fix it. :D

*continues below*
miyamashi
Jun. 13th, 2008 03:26 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
As far as Mello goes, I'm glad I could be of service! I was really worried about coming across as garbled and unclear. Even though I consider myself a good writer, I can get a little jumbled and nonsensical in rants, haha, especially if I start thinking faster than I'm typing.

Oh, and I thought I'd congratulate you also, on being the first other person beside me I've EVER found who noticed that Mello never kills anyone. Though he is confirmed to have killed one person in the past (The mafia men talk about his "Taking the head of a mob boss that even Kira couldn't kill", or something of the like), but other than that man, (who is the guy at the end of Part 8 in TR, just for reference) Mello has NO confirmed kills. I always found that interesting, too, and it's one of the things that's been a big inspiration for a lot of what's coming in TR...my Mello does something very interesting concerning that in the story, but I won't ruin it.

Once I read your sequel and give the first another pass, I'll come back by! More digi-huggles for you!
mrsjeevas
Jun. 13th, 2008 09:54 am (UTC)
Re: Nice one!
I wrote this chapter (4th chapter in the sequel) for you, after we had the conversation about Catholicism. I know about the Mother of All mistake (Mary is mother of Jesus, not everyone), but that's pinged off my own religion. I'll change it in the proofreading. It's a kind of acknowledgement that I've been taking on board what you're saying about Mello.

However, I'm still learning, so even though that's what it was, don't be afraid to say if I'm still getting him a bit awry.

Thank you for your attitude to smokers! *insert obligatory self-condemnation for being evil* It's so refreshing! In Britain right now, complete strangers think it's ok to just walk up to you in the street and tell you how bad smoking is. Some of them can get really irate about it. Your average smoker here has started to learn to adapt in various ways to being the latest scapegoat. Homophobia is bad; racism is bad; class snobbery is bad; who can we pick on? Ah! Smoking is bad. We're all fair game these days.

I don't taste like licking an ashtray? *blinks* I didn't know that. Thanks. It's difficult to completely keep away from non-smokers just after I've had a cigarette, simply because I have one so often. But I just assumed that I smelled really bad.

Your passage from your story sounds perfect. Just the right note. :D

Details? Matt's been raised in England. He would call a cigarette a 'fag'. It's short for 'faggot', which is another way of saying 'something that is used to build a bonfire'. It rankles deep down when I can't use 'fag' in my stories, due to the international audience. Mostly it rankles because some countries think that it's ok to call homosexuals a name which means 'something that is used to build a bonfire'. Occasionally, I have written something like ''I'm just having a fag', Matt said...' But then gone back and changed it. It would disrupt the story in other eyes, while the British could cope with it being called a cigarette.

Enough about smoking, but if you're stuck on a detail and need me to test it out, just ask. For example, 'can you do THAT with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth?' I could do it in reality and get back to you, obviously depending upon what the 'that' is.

*makes notes* The chocolate is an addiction too. I hadn't spotted that. :box:
mrsjeevas
Jun. 13th, 2008 09:58 am (UTC)
Onto you and Mello
You must be far more coherent than you think you are. :D

'The mafia men talk about his "Taking the head of a mob boss that even Kira couldn't kill", or something of the like..'

That doesn't actually say he killed the mob boss personally though. He could have arranged it so that someone else did it, then carried the credit back as his entrance into the Mafia. However, I think he did. It's implied when he says to Deputy Director Yagami, 'You've never killed anyone, have you?', or words to that effect. I read that with an undercurrent of 'I have and it was really hard.'
miyamashi
Jun. 14th, 2008 08:48 am (UTC)
STUFF (Or: "I Can't Think of a Creative Headline")
I've read the sequel, now, and I must say that I'm quite impressed, and am definitely waiting patiently for the next part. :D Your Mello has improved by leaps and bounds, methinks, mostly in that he's a lot more grounded. Thank you for the acknowledgement, too. :D I'm really, really glad I could be of help.

I really have nothing against smokers. Though I don't like cigarettes, per se, because of what they do to people (and also because I've been tempted by them myself, but got myself out before I got truly addicted...damn you oral fixation...*eats chocolate*), I have nothing against smokers. Unlike with other drugs, including alcohol, smoking doesn't cause the smoker to harm other people (except maybe during withdrawl, but that's ANY addiction, haha...you should see me when I haven't had a caffeinated soda in a while...), and I count it as something fairly minor, because I have the kind of mindset that says "Alright, go ahead and hurt yourself. Just be mindful of the consequences." Maybe, also, though, it's just that I've been exposed to smokers my entire life, so I'm used to them. I don't know.

The whole use of "fag" or "faggot" is a really touchy subject. I've thought about having Matt call cigarettes fags, because of where he grew up, but also realized that Wammy's is probably a relatively isolated environment, and the inhabitants are from all over the world, so it's probably fairly multicultural. This is why I had a child in Part 6 refer to Matt by the term after he kissed Mello, and one of the reasons I haven't really had Matt use it to refer to cigarettes.

Speaking of "faggot" as used to refer to homosexuals: Do you know why? I was actually wondering about that once, and looked it up (I was wondering, in fact, why you'd call a gay person a cigarette. XD), and found that the word refers specifically to the bundles of sticks used to build the bonfires (which makes the word as referring to cigarettes make an awful lot of sense), and that the bonfires they were used to build were the ones used to burn heretics, including homosexuals, to the stake. Even though it's kind of weird to refer to people as the sticks used to kill them in the past, it also does give a distinct underlying meaning: You are a heretic in the face of God, and you deserve to die.

Very nasty. Very nasty, indeed.

I'm definitely agreed with you about Mello's act in killing the man, and that's exactly how I gauged his question to Yagami.

Gah, I have a few days totally free before I start running around like a headless chicken again, so I'll go through and really re-read both parts of your story, and give you the detailed comments you deserve. I promise. :D
mrsjeevas
Jun. 14th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
Re: STUFF (Or: "I Can't Think of a Creative Headline")
Yes! I pwned Mello!

:D

:D

:D

I'm a bit stuck though because the story so far has set him up as someone who will go in and shoot the gun. Without rewriting it, I can't take out those scenes, so, for this story alone, he's going to have to have that potential. It's all good though, because this story was always going to be me learning my craft on fanfiction.

I concur about the whole 'faggot' thing. Yes, I'm very aware what it means. I got into a huge row about it once in Nevada, just me and five Americans all talking at odds with each other. It took a lot of peacekeeping on the side of one of the more trans-Atlantic people there to explain why I thought her countryfolk might be being homophobic and why they might be upset with my thinking that of them. It's just one of those words which has ceased to mean in America what it means here and so those around today don't actually connect the two.

Now, Manga 7, page 150. Who is that stripey-topped, dark haired child being dragged by his hair by Mello up a corridor of The Wammy House? >:( Random Stripey-topped Wammy Kid No 2 or...?
miyamashi
Jun. 14th, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
Re: STUFF (Or: "I Can't Think of a Creative Headline")
Oh, yeah, don't worry. Your Mello definitely does have the potential to shoot, and even though mine doesn't, I have no problem with that aspect of that version of him, since he does still feel the guilt of his actions, and isn't just some crazed killer. It's when people strip him of his humanity that bothers me, and your Mello's definitely more human that most I've seen. :D

What, exactly, did you get into a row with them about, concerning the word? Did you just calmly start talking about cigarettes, and have people freak out on you, or what?

Guh, small cultural differences can cause such a rift between people sometimes. It's really quite sad, and Americans tend to have it especially bad, since most (and I'm allowed to say this, being American myself, haha) are not much aware of other cultures at all, and too apathetic to take the time to explore and delve into them. I'd like to think I'm better off than a lot in that aspect, but I still catch myself getting confused on rare occasion. I try.

That kid actually IS just a random kid. I thought it may be Matt, too, but Matt's not actually shown as a Wammy's until a flashback in the special new one-shot chapter that was posted not too long ago. I really don't like that chapter much, honestly, since it killed a lot of what I thought about L's role in Wammy's (it made him seem much more impersonal to the kids than I liked to think he was, and totally killed the version of him that I have in TR), but it did show Matt, which was one of the few highlights. On the other hand, though, the one-shot was very...Near-centric, and did a LOT of rubbing in my face of M&M's...fate in the manga. :(

I don't remember where I got the chapter, but I uploaded the page with Matt onto my Photobucket for you: MINI-MATT!
mrsjeevas
Jun. 15th, 2008 11:23 am (UTC)
Art...
Yay! I'm on-line again. (Don't ask, long story involving me being really stupid. Twice.)

Thank you for the mini-Matt! :D I'm not an artist and neither did I do art theory, but I do have a friend who is and did. She is forever dragging me into art galleries and plonking me in front of pictures to teach me things. I've just been looking at that and applied one of her theories about how the eye is drawn. You look first at Near, because he's white and everyone else is shaded. His finger points down, so your eye follows it, hits the outstretched foot of the child on the floor and is lifted then up Mello's leg to the boy himself. Mello's staring at the back of Matt's head, so you go there next. Matt's leaning down, which draws you to the laptop and therefore L. Just in case you failed to get there, your eye would go to the lad with the baseball cap, then back down to the laptop. Clever really.

Yes, I am writing random crap. I'm on a post-traumatic computer problem fixed high.

Back to the plot. The trouble with Mello is that he's too easily caricatured. He's the only one who is dressed to look like pure sex, then you add the gun and it passes from risque to dangerous. Apply chocolate and suddenly it feels like you know everything there is to know. It doesn't help that Near is drawn like a five year old (which I thought he was at first), because that just emphasizes the light over the dark.

In stories, there's usually a goodie and a baddie. Here Raito is patently the baddie, but he doesn't look like it. Death Note is written in shades of grey, but people are lazy and look for black and whites. If Near is all white and lit up, then the baddie must be the one who's all in black and shadowed.

It's clever in itself, because, while the clues are all there, it's not until Hal's information about her conversation with Mello, right at the very end, that the pieces fall into place. (If they don't, then that scene is jarring, as it seems to cast Mello out of character.) Because Mello is suddenly not the baddie, the reader has to scramble to find someone else to be it. Whooosh! We're all looking at Raito again, right at the moment when his calm, collected exterior crumbles and he turns into a raving lunatic before our very eyes.

So the short version is that Mello has to look like the bad guy (though he's a goodie) in order to a) make Raito look like the good guy (though everyone blatantly knows he's a baddie) and b) to emphasize Raito's fall from grace at the end. The real shock then, for the reader, is that it occurs to them that they've secretly been sympathizing with Raito unti that point and that's disquietening.

That's my take on it anyway. So I'm blaming Ohba's genius as a writer for clouding my judgment on Mello. :p

mrsjeevas
Jun. 15th, 2008 11:24 am (UTC)
... and bonfire fuel
The 'faggot' incident happened when I was with a group of Americans and one of them told a joke. It wasn't homophobic in itself, but she called the gay person a 'faggot'. I'm normally fairly laid-back on things, but I also believe that silence means approval. I very quietly told her that I didn't think that word was appropriate, but what I didn't suss was that the way I looked at her was very disapproving.

She rose to it, demanding I explain just what I meant by that, so I did. I talked about bonfire fuel and that, in my world, gay people are not automatically to be burned alive for their sexuality. That escalated into a whole argument wherein she claimed not to be homophobic and I talked about the evidence. Next thing you know, I have all five Americans shouting at me and yes, a cigarette was in my hand at the time, but that's incidental.

Fortunately, the woman from Montana had been to Britain and so she pieced it all together. She calmed it all right down by explaining to me that, in America, faggot no longer means bonfire fuel. Moreover, it's been a word so reclaimed by the gay community that it no longer means anything but a fairly innoculous word meaning 'a homosexual'. Those people in the room with me would genuinely have no idea of the etymology of the word 'faggot'. It was a bit awkward for a little bit, but we brought it all back together again.

My personal favourite trans-Atlantic misunderstanding was on a forum, when someone posted that they'd been working their fanny off to get some money together. The same Montana woman appeared on list four or five hours later, noted conspicuous silences and wrote, 'For the benefit of the British list-members, *insert name* is not a prostitute. Fanny means 'backside' here.' LOL (For the record, I doubt anyone would have given a monkeys if she was; but it was the stark openness that made us all wonder how we should be reacting. :D)

Where can I read the whole one-shot?
pro_kira
Jun. 12th, 2008 01:29 am (UTC)
oh.my.goodness.

this is just...well there are no words. I can't believe that this is actually your first fan fic. it's written so wonderfully, AND i've already started to read the sequel. you made me tear up with the church scene, and i can't wait to read more from you. <3

keep up the great work!
mrsjeevas
Jun. 12th, 2008 08:46 am (UTC)
:D
Thank you very much. :D

The church scene was me waving a salute to Morgie, who's helped me conceptualise Mello a little better (though I don't know how successfully that's translated into the writing of him since).

I'm glad you liked it. *preening between blushes*
( 27 Said Bang, Baby — Hit Me )
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